I want a life with you.
I want to swim this ocean of dreams, ride the tide- build entirely with you
Dreams built on truth…
I can imagine it would be like parting through grey skies, and the grass at our feet would encourage vibrant new flowers to bloom
Before I met you, loving was “playing hard”
Loving was an entertained thought
Love wasn’t ready to take place in my heart
But after meeting you,
Love became a “safe card”
Love became an instant start for something new
Love found me, when I found you.
The timing can be so cruel
Because it makes you drink in more of life than you need
It makes you thirst for things that aren’t satisfying
It makes you fill empty spaces with people, places and things that you realize you’re better off without
But I’m sorry I realized this all too late…can you please forgive me?
Because I’m sorry I’m the girl with the big mouth, and the selfish pout
I’m sorry I don’t think before I speak at times,
I don’t know what that’s all about…
I’m sorry my impulsive ways dig me a hole so deep
A hole that only I was prepared for,
A hole only for me.
But then I realize rather quickly the mud catches us both at our feet
Sinking down, it plays in slow motion, that I can’t help but to see.
Then by morning, Truth opens my eyes
Truth says “you can’t bite the hand that feeds…”
Truth says “you stubborn fool, if you would just listen to Me-“
But I’m out the door before Truth can say anymore
And I’m picking new leaves from that pretty oak tree
Lacing flowers for a crown only meant for Queens
But I can’t put it on yet
And it hurts so much, but no matter what
I’ve decided to keep waiting for my King
I’ve decided he’s the only one for me
I’ve decided he means everything to me
He’s everything I want… and he’s everything I’m not, and he’s everything I need.
I’ve decided he’s my person, and he makes me want to be a better version of me
He makes me want to scream at times,
but that’s only because I feel I’m running out of time.
He makes me cry at times, but sometimes, those tears are outweighed by tears of happy.
Then other times, those are only tears of “why me?”
Because why did I have to be the girl to fall so deeply in love with a man so far away?
Why do I have to be the girl who doesn’t get her way?
Why do I have to be the girl to get her heart broken?
Because I know you can’t stay…
And I know you can’t say what I need you to say.
And I know you can’t make this all OK.
But it all leads me back to hope in the end.
With crossed fingers, hope leads me back to Love
Then Love takes control of my soul and makes me look above
It makes me look above and pray to the Highest One
Love makes me pray for better days,
Makes me pray for your success
Makes me pray that you are blessed
Makes me pray that you are healed in every area of your life that makes you feel.
Love makes me pray that you feel loved
Because you are so greatly…truly, madly and deeply loved-
I honestly don’t think I could ever say that enough.
And I’m sorry for being too quick to pull the trigger
But Love wasn’t always pleasant for me
It felt like a loaded gun aimed straight at my head impulsively-
I grab it, so that I’m the one who pulls the trigger instead.
But trust me, I’m not aiming at your head…
I’m aiming at that mirror behind you
I’m watching that glass shatter to the floor so I can rearrange the broken pieces
Just so I can have something to fix in this.
Then I realize your reflection isn’t in it
Instead, it’s that little girl who is happy in her dreams
It’s that girl who sings as she’s flying
Soaring high, when’s she high
But she’s low in disguise
And she’s running out of time to tell you the truth.
So the truth is…
I want a life with you, if that’s alright with you?
I wanna make plans with you, and hold hands with you.
Dance with you and romance with you.
I want pure bliss with you when I’m kissing you,
And I want to talk with you when I’m missing you.
I say all of this not to trap your spirit, so please,
keep doing your thing there in England, roam free.
Do whatever it is that you have to do
Live your life, come and go as you please.
But just know that the day you buy that ticket to come and see me,
I’m dropping everything,
If it means being with the person who brings out the woman in me.
I want to be the one who encourages your dreams and watch them become reality.
I want to be the one who’s your “wifey.”
I want to be the one you call Queen.
I’m the one who chooses the life and death of me…
And I choose you, always, as my King.